fail

hye..this is me again..just to clarify everything this blog is the only place that i expressed wat i feel at the moment..n right know i feel so useless..i dun need ur pity or sympathy..just read watever im writing or posting coz its all bout me..fyi im a student at a local uni..taking civil eng..my heart is not in this actly..my brain is not for engineering..so i've decided to quit my study...my poiter last sem is so not good..its so low..and i barely survived the elimination..i think i can do it much better next sem but no..its worsen..i tried to like this course but to no success..i just got back from a test..a mid term test..n it is like the first time of my life as a student that i submit an almost empty answersheet to the lecturer..i wrote almost nothing..i dont know what the fuck the question is about..i go to a total blank..i think im gonna score 5/40 marks..thats good for a dumbass person like me..this is not the first time..its recurring everytime i sit for test..i did stdy but..i just dont know..im a fool..i really wanna quit stdying but there is somethings that stop me..my mom just text me before i went to my test..she asks me to stdy very hard..n never give up..n im doing the opposite of wat she said..i'll broke her heart if i said im quitting stdy..but i cant do this anymore..this is just to much for me to handle..the more i tried to force myself the more it hurts me...n then i was thinking..if im gonna quit stdying..wat m i gonna do..just stay at home doing nothing??..than im gonna b a burden to my family..i dun want that..i'd rather died than just giving them trouble..i've made a huge mistake in my life..the very wrong course i take n it gets the best of me..civil just swallowed me alive..im taking civil coz it sounds promising for my near future..im a bio student actually..n taking a physics major is the stupidest thing for me to do..i tried to stop feeling sorry to myself..try to b strong..but im getting weaker n weaker each day..i don't know wat i should do..i'm ashamed of myself..im the stupidest foolish no brain student of my entire class..they r so good that i feel so low talking to them..they know everything and i know nothing..i wish i can be like them..n not being ashamed of..but it turn out differently..to tell u d truth i've ever thinking of killing myself..how short minded of me right??..but i still have faith a small sparkle of faith n hope..just maybe..maybe that i can make this out alive..succeed like my other friends..now..im accepting everything..the truth hurts..im a failure..a quitter..a good for nothing..mom n dad..im so sorry..i break ur heart n crushing down ur dream..to whoever is reading my blog..this is me..think watever u guys wanna think..im off now..till next time..if there is a next time..

sorry 4 myself

and here i am again.feeling sorry for myself..this past few weeks have been a not so good for me..more like discovering who i am..i guess thats a little too late for it huh..
this is a story about a guy who has nothing to offer to the world..those who reads this post might think that he's just a pathethic good for nothing guy who is too ordinary that he feels useless in the bog world he's living..he's that short guy..very short..159cm..5'2..and he's 20 y.o..too short for his age that he feels so insecure..he can't model coz he's short dark and his pimplish face...now that is one horible being..lool..he knows nothing..he's taking civil engineering and he's that dumb ass..he's not clever but he's so lazy to study..wonder what is on his mind..next...he loves music..A LOT..but he can't even play a fucking instrument and can't even sing a single note..pity him..he got nothing special about himself..nothing that makes him special that the world would recognize..he got a girlfriend before..but he dumped her..thinking that he's not good for her..now that's wat i called stupid..i dont know what holds for him in the future..he suck's in his own life..i wonder he will survived his life or life just get the better part of him..all he can see about himself is just all the negativity and flaws..there's no extra special about himself..not the best looking guy..maybe the worst..i hope the world eats him alive..he's good for nothing..owh..i forgot to tell u guys who he is..he's the owner of this blog............................................RIP>>>>>>

her story mine

now..how should i start my story..a true one..i met this girl..let's call her V..i met V a year back..the first time i saw her i was like..this girl is something..that is back where im still studying in matriculation..(omg..people will know about this when they read..well watever)..back to the story..how i met her??..she n me are in the same class..glad that we're in the same class..i remember..the first time we talk..i think its about some task..or ice breaking..i couldn't really recall back..but during one of the ice breaking session..she's got a nickname title..(perenang)..lol..at first i was like..peranang??..ok is this girl swimmer or something..haha..its quite funny though..the way she smile..laugh..lol..love at first sight..than i ask for her number..omigod..wat am i thinking..at least i've got a solid reason for asking her number..i don't remember but its got something to do with some task or homework..and she gave it to me..hell yeah..then i ask her..is she's taken..then she answered yes..FUCK!!..ok..someone make me dissapear into thin air..omg..but then she added..its rather complicated..and i was like..hell yeah!!..haha..that night me n V spend some long hours texting each other..at this point..she's all im thinking of..although i think dat im so bad trying to snatch away someone's gf..but at that time things are rather complicated for her..so i decided not to..then a week after that..i receive 1 fucking asshole news..we're gonna reshuffle again..meaning me n her will not gonna be in d same class..fuck!!!..i curse whoever behind the reshuffling thingy..urgh..n so..we're not in the same class anymore...;(((..so this makes me n her texting alot during the nite..till some point i ask her the question..dun really remember..but not important..as long as she's mine..n about her bf..or should i say ex..well..screwd u..so loves is actualy blooming around us..u know..haha..things are going smoothly for us..we go out..the library..study date..lol..i didnt learn anything..then during the weekends..we go out..but not so much..coz she's having church on saturday n mine on sunday..but we still manage to find time to go out..and then it was my fault..who brings our love cam crashing down shattered like a glass hitting the floor..and then me emotional state gets the best of me..u know dat song from katy perry hot n cold..dat is so me..i can be nice to her n after that its the other way around..when im moody i wouldnt reply her text or calls..but she's always be ther for me..when im having problem..she'll help me..console me..motivate me..she's an angel..n wat i did to her..she deserve someone better than me..now that me and her has become just friend..ONLY..things would b a whole lot different..and for this coming valentine day..i just hope that she finds the right guy for him..who treat her the way she should b treated and love..x0x0 V..

HATE LOVE HURTS FEELINGS

CRYING

I cry for the time
that you were almost mine,
I cry for the memories
I've left behind,
I cry for the pain,
the lost, the old the new,
I cry for the times
I thought I had you

YOU
If you don't know,
then ask me.
If you don't agree,
then argue with me.
If you don't like,
then say it to me.
But don't keep silent
and judge me.

LOVE
Have you ever been in love?
Horrible isn't it?
It makes you so vulnerable.
It opens your chest
and it opens up your heart
and it means that someone
can get inside you and mess you up.
You build up all these defenses,
you build up a whole suit of armor,
so that nothing can hurt you,
then one stupid person,
no different from
any other stupid person,
wanders into your stupid life...
You give them a piece of you.
They didn't ask for it.
They did something dumb one day,
like kiss you or smile at you,
and then your life
isn't your own anymore.
Love takes hostages.
It gets inside you.
It eats you out and
leaves you crying in the darkness,
so simple a phrase like
'maybe we should be just friends'
turns into a glass splinter
working its way into your heart.
It hurts.
Not just in the imagination.
Not just in the mind.
It's a soul-hurt,
a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

doc love

now..how do i start this..lots of people asking me why r u still single..lol..coz im not really in the mood to a relationship at the moment..reality check..i learn my mistake from the last relationship dat i've..i gotta say dat it was a wild ride dat i tried to keep on holding..but at some point..u gotta let it go..n now im single n loving it..i think so..lol..so here i am..watching all the couples around me..my GOD..some was really in love..some just having a not-to-carry-the-world attitude..pity their partner..so i just have this bright fucking idea..of being a DOCTOR LOVE..WTF am i thinking..lol..dats is so self proclaim of myself..u know..just like dat movie HITCH..yup..dats me..rotfl..im so into my head right now..but seriously..GOSH..haha..anyway..i love hearing my friends relationship problem..they were just too much for them to handle..awww...sum of them didn't even deserve to be trated that way..basically my p.o.v on this is..both person SHOULD n MUST understand each other..in the sense that they know what their partner wants, needs, feels n thinks..plus u need to accept all the flaws in ur partner..if u wanna live wit him/her till d end of life..or should i say till 2012..(lol)..one more thing..curiousity always kill the cat..so the less u know the better..BUT it doesnt meant u should never knows whats going on..just dun exceed ur limit..and one more thing..JEALOUSY is NOT THE BEST POLICY(sumtimes)..so u dun go blindly accusing ur partner as a cheater..if so..then it will turn to i'll-dump-u-u-dump-me situation..if u doesnt have it..screwd u..!!..it will not last..sumtime i think dat LOVE is MAYBE just LUST..n so i created this:

ASHES TO ASHES
DUST TO DUST
IF LOVE IS LUST
ENDING IT IS A MUST

GOSH..THAT JUST RYHME..LOL..haha..think my crappiness should end here..just a piece of not-so-helping-advise and obvious blah blah blah from me..depend on my fellow reader(if there is any)..to give it a thought..take it or leave it..c ya..till next time..

from hitch 2
;) :)

randomness

hye'all...a new blog for me..i've deleted my blog in my wordpress n is now making a new blog here..still the same old me..my ups my very down n my very mixed up feeling and dilemma..the dude dat says a lot of fucked up things..i live wit dat..dat should be enuff for now..juz a VERY brief intro about ma blog..blah blah blah...i guess no one will read my blog so imma write watever i think n feel..a wide use of FUCK if u may say..lol..c ya people..;)